Worst Day of My Life

You know how some people say that this was the worst day of my life, but they're really just being melodramatic? Well, when I say yesterday was the worst day of my life, I really mean it. I racked my brain to think of a day that had been worse, but I couldn't think of one.

On Monday our case worker at DePaul called and said that Montgomery County DSS had decided in it's infinite wisdom to send all three kids back on Tuesday morning. I believe all I did was cry after Brandon told me the news. It had always been the plan for them to go back to their mom, which I was okay with to a certain extent because I thought it would be a slow, gradual process to make sure that all the kids would get the best care they could get. But what happened this week was not in any plan that I had ever heard and it was a shock to me and a shock to the kids. Thank goodness for Brandon - he had already packed a lot of of their stuff by the time I got home...I'm glad he did because I think I would have cried the whole time. The worst part was calling everyone and telling them the news. It was really hard to verbalize what was going to happen because I simply didn't want it to.

Tuesday morning I cried just imagining them leaving in a few short hours. Brandon had to go to work wo when my case worker showed up, I helped her load their huge pile of stuff up and helped them get loaded in the car. About that point I started crying. I couldn't help it. I hugged Colby and went to the house and didn't even watch the car leave because I couldn't bear it.

To top off my Tuesday, I got to the bottom of the neighborhood on my way to work and I had a flat tire. I had to circle back to the house and pump it up. I broke the part of the pump that goes in the cigarette lighter when I was putting it away and had to buy a new one on the way to school. I got a papercut trying to call Brandon to tell him what happened to the tire and fell going up the stairs at school - I caught myself with my knees and forearms.

About the only thing that went right yesterday was the weather. It was a beautiful day so I took Colby to the park where he had a blast and I didn't have to think about my empty house.

Update!

So clearly I suck at blogging these days, but here's an update on how life is going.

It's been a bit crazy at our house as usual. The kids are non-stop balls of energy especially since Sahara is "cruising" around the house and almost ready to walk. She's also starting to show a little seperation anxiety when I block her out of the kitchen while I'm cleaning or cooking. Ariyana is talking better, but crying is still her go-to method of communicating especially when she's tired. Noah and Colby are partners in crime now more than ever, but at least we got them to understand that they can't go raid the refridgerator whenever the whim hits :-) I'm pretty sad that in a couple of months everyone will start transitioning back to their birth-mom. I feel pretty attached to them and don't want any harm to come to them (not that it would, but they'll be leaving my safe home for the unknown). I got a little teary-eyed the other day just thinking about it. But maybe God does know best - I'm to lose the kids I've been caring for and have become attached to, but I'll be getting my own bundle of joy to care for :-) The last month or so of foster care has been stressful for us. It seems like all of our hard work has largely been ignored by a few key players and we're just being criticized for stupid stuff (which I won't blog about because it would be rude). Brandon and I have discussed taking a break from foster care for a while after this...it's been a bit much, but definately a learning experience.

I'm starting to feel pretty tired due to my pregnancy and I'm also starting to feel my nesting instict kick in. I want things to be clean and organized but I don't have the energy sometimes. Brandon has been a big help lately with the cleaning aspect of our lives, but sometimes it feels like a never-ending battle with the kids running around and being mini tornados. And yes I do make them clean up their stuff, but it still seems like dishes pile up, clothes pile up and I never seem to make a dent in any of the mess I make because I'm busy making sure they don't destroy the house.

Last weekend was a really awesome weekend. We sent Colby to spend the weekend with Brandon's parents, the Rose kids were sent to respite for the weekend and Brandon and I went to stay the weekend at Hotel Roanoke to go to a marriage conference called A Weekend to Remember. We had some pretty decent speakers talk about marriage and Brandon and I got to spend a lot of quality time together that we've been missing out on. We got a small collection of books to read including a couples devotion book while we were there. We got to go out on a date to a local Mexican restaurant - we had pineapple fajitas! Yum! On Sunday I was sad to see the weekend end, but as it turns out, it snowed and I got an extended weekend when school was closed on Monday!

Snow days are good, but you know what isn't good? Everyone being sick! We all have colds. I've taken Noah to the doctor already and tomorrow I will take Sahara. Try explaining to a four year old that they can't go play in the snow because they are sick - logic is not really going to work unfortunately. But hopefully this time next week everyone will be healthy again. At least I've crossed my fingers and prayed really hard that, that would be the case!